Sleep

I sleep alot now.
It's hard to wake up.
Sleep is the most enjoyable activity for me.
Because I can close my eyes and enter the world of my imagination.
Sometimes I stay in bed because I don't think there's anything out there for me.
And most of the time I beleive that.

It's been hard for me to face reality.
Jobhunting to be turned down again and again.
Going to dance classes only to put myself down afterwards.
Driving a peice of shit car. Trying to get money out my underdrawn bank account.
Opening letters from my credit card company.

I want to find my dreams and desires.
But this black hole of doubt keeps pulling down on my heart
and it's hard for me to beleive.

If I'm not in bed I'm usually on the computer.
A quick, easy source of entertainment and distraction.
Waking up to it, and falling asleep to it.

I only go out when I need to get food,
or run an errand.

I wish there was someone I could say all these things to.
Someone to give me hope
to help me beleive in myself
to tell me everything's gonna be alright.

But that person never appears.
And my friends don't understand.

I just wish God could just give me a sign
take me somewhere
show me something
tell me the secrets of the universe
guide me to the place I am most fit to discover
and let me live a good life under the eyes of God.

Maybe it will happen
maybe is better than
nothing.