What if I get in?

Mannnn
So it's monday and I'm feelin alright. Actually I'm a bit tired from the auditions this last weekend. The NYU auditions didn't go too well- I didn't make the cut, which is interesting because I made the cut last year, but I know my performance, for whatever reason, wasn't as good, and on top of that the fact that I didn't come through with my shit together (I didn't have the resume and photo that they requested us to bring). But whatever, I don't really care much for NYU. On top of that, if I didn't get cut, I migt not have ended up talking to this girl, who told me that the auditions for Fordham were the next day--I THOUGHT THEY WERE THE NEXT SATURDAY, NOT THE NEXT DAY!! So that's good.

I didn't really feel that great that night. Just like last weekend. But some of my friends came through and helped me feel better. Now I'm recalling last friday, and how I went to the beach, and this feeling of satisfaction and love filled me up as I looked at the moon reflecting off a black sea, while the stars danced for me in stillness; there were alot of them out on that clear night.

That same feeling came back to me at the Fordham auditions. Everything was calmer and more relaxed. At that time I was over auditions, I jsut wanted to go in, do my shit, and peace out. The judges, the people running the auditions, were very kind, the studio at Debbie Allen's Dance Academy was very beautiful. It was the biggest space I've ever danced in, and the brick walls, and the light shining from above, and the wide open high ceiling made everything feel... right.

The judges made me so comfortable, and the type of dancing they had us do was so pleasing and executable.. of course I made my mistakes... I need to start taking open modern and ballet classes again, along with trying to stop fixing my pirouettes. I noticed that I turn fine but I purposely fidget around when I don't feel centered over my foot, even though I can do about 3 turns even after I'm not centered.

I did my solo, finally, but I messed up a few times. Whatever. It's all behind me now, but I reaaaallllyyyy want to get in that school, it's the only school I can hope to get into, as the other schools cut me off. I think I did quite well during the technique auditions, especially in ballet where i didnt even know what half of those moves were, but I somehow picked it up, even the petit allegros. I just remember opening up the Bible right before going in, and looking for a line or 2 of inspiration. I read about the loaf of bread and the fist, and how the mass of people were fed with only that, and I thought If God can feed thousands with a few loaves of bread, imagine what he can do with me. And so doubt vanished and I just danced.

Time to think about spring, summer and fall. Thinking about debbie allens dance academy, or the intensive in new york, too bad c.r.e.a.m.