Suprisingly Bearable

Even if you aint did your best, be glad you did somethin.

So today is a different day. I got a chance to express my disbelief in my self and my abilities, to talk about my self-doubt and negative self image, and, lo, the contrary availed itself. The black seperated from white, and I had a choice between the two mindsets: positive or negative, doubt or faith, love or fear.

I picked up a dub, but saved it for later cause I had to go to breakin practice. I made it there, and got down. I drove there with the intention of being pure in the breaking element being that I often start to wonder off and do house/vogue stuff. This time I wanted to grove and feel the soul in the element of breakin and find a way to creatively express myself in that form.

And so I did. Didn't get too crazy, I dotn really break anymore, but I started pulling stuff out of my style, and noticed that it would help to return to the practice spots I used to hit up and practice with boys again, as they often time intimdated me and made me want to push my limits.

A sudden epiphany: I can either be intimidated or inspired. I can use the feeling of seeing someone better than me as beacon of how much better I can be, or take the feeling of inferiority only to want to better myself. What's dangerous, however, is when you cease to get better--then staying inspired starts to get tricky.

But I mean, at least I did something today. I came back home to work my abs and stretch, and I plan on upping the amount of classes for the next 2 weeks, as i need to make myself able to pick up choreography quicker, and thus allow myself to dance it, rather than do halfway do it and halfway try to remeber it or figure it out.

I also thought why I have such a poor self image, and why I feel that I experience so much absurdity. Its not a good feeling to be constantly dissing yourself because you don't like the way you did something, it sucks thinking back on my past actions, and downing myself into inferiority. Maybe I should tell that voice to shut the fuck up sometimes. It's like, I'm going through all this dirt, all these muddy situations, but I'm going through all this dirt cause I'm growing roots, and soon enough I'll slowly bloom. Things take time. Seasons change. Love is all that will last.

She dances across my mind in counts of 8
I turn that number sideways so I can relate
Love inside will never end
faith can make space and time bend