Moving Forward Again

I forgot why I put this shit up.
It was suppose to be a journal of my progression, not my regression.
And since I sprained my ankle, I've regressed.

Times have been harder than ever.
Life has given me harder challenges, and more rich material to work with than ever before.
These last 2 years have been tough, real tough.
I changed a lot. I know I'll never be the person I was before.

But I can be better than the person I was before.
What worth it is to sit here and note my failures and absurdities? I've failed in almost every possible way.
But I'm
still
here.

And I've decided to take control.
I got this.
The ball is in my hand now.
I'm getting back up, and moving forward.

I've kept this blog on private cause I was talking about my aggression, suicidal contemplation, murderous intentions, and destructive ambitions--it was alarming some people who were later contacting me and I didn't want to hear their shit anymore.

It's just been me and my mom these many years.
I don't have a support group.
I dont have brothers or sisters. Cousins or nephews. Uncles, aunts, or neices. Just myself, and my Mom.
Nothing has been more hurtful in these past years than losing my friends.

People come and go. But they seem to go a lot more than they come.
And its hard to live in a social world when youre angry and your dont trust anyone.

But Imma deal.
NYC taught me alot.
So did coming back to LA.
and maybe my life isn't as cool as your life
but I'm still here, and so is my mom
so i have to keep living
and in living, i have to wake up
and in waking up

I have to choose life again.
And that was the title of this blog... chewslife. choose life.

I chose not to choose life.
I chose escapism:
videogames
weed
drinking
internet
violence
arrogance
sleep
sleep
and
sleep
porn

it was such a low feeling to wake up and have no reason to get out of bed
but now i do
and im going to choose life

and this blog shall record those good things

good things
choose life.